LOVE

Except this is the real world, not a Disney movie. Things end. So if you recognise more than a couple of the following signs, the time may have come to man up and ship out. These are your giant, bullfighting-sized red flags. Get the hell out of there.

1) Her laugh starts to grate on you

That belly laugh you always thought was slightly manly but contagious now sounds like Janice from Friends. Every time it happens you have a strong visual of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh or the hyenas from the Lion King. Ain’t nobody got time for those animations floating around in their brain.

2) You’d rather go out with your mates than her

Once upon a time, all you wanted was one-on-one time. You hung on her every word and would have loved to be stranded on a desert island with her. Now you recognise all of her stories are on re-run and if you were in Tom Hanks’ situation in Castaway you’d much rather have Wilson the football as your friend than her. “Whenever she suggested hanging out, just the two of us, I would pretend I had promised friends to meet up as a group, then desperately call everyone to try and find some!” says Andrew, 35.

3) The way she eats starts to annoy you

“Conversation had totally dried up at the dinner table and I started to focus on her chewing,” said David, 28. “It was like it was on loud speaker and totally repulsed me.” You may have once wanted to lick that spaghetti sauce she slurped into her mouth and all over her face right off but now you just don’t tell her it’s even there. Because you don’t give a shit.

4) Your dreams are far too obvious

Your anxiety about your relationship situation affects your sleep. Duncan, 35, says, “I used to wake up in sweats after dreaming I was on a plane that had lost it’s engine. As the plane went down I looked out the window and saw things flying past the window: other women from my past, a ticking alarm clock, my mother shouting ‘What are you doing?!’.. You don’t need to call Mystic Meg to interpret that.”

5) You start to think you don’t want your children to look like her

You’ve had discussions about children in the past but these days the prospect makes you feel nauseous.”My ex named our children-to-be Victor and Hugo (she really didn’t recognise the weirdness of that combination..) I used to join in baby name convos but nearing the end of the relationship I would zone out thinking ‘If my children had your nose, I think I would top myself,'” admits Sam, 29.

6) You can openly admit to yourself you’re just too scared of her reaction

You’ve seen how she shouts at the waiters when they don’t remember to bring her salad dressing “on the side” and how she thought the extra onions came diced not sliced. Basically you don’t want to be a diced sliced side onion when she finds out you’re offskis. The fact you are scared about being an onion in the first place is not the sign of a healthy relationship. If this is what is stopping you, you need to man up and face the music. Unless you can’t win her in an arm wrestle – then we can’t help.

7) She’s miserable – all the time

If you start to notice her comments become more and more pessimistic, she is never hopeful or enthusiastic, rarely smiles, doesn’t want to do new things – this could be a telltale sign that you’re making her as unhappy as she is making you. “It turned out my girfriend hadn’t quite plucked up the courage to leave me. She was miserable and in turn making me miserable. Maybe this was a subconsious thing so I would break up with her…”  Relationships are supposed to make your life better and everyday pessimism can drive you into the ground.

8) You find her in bed with your friend.

The. End. 

If you’re constantly checking your phone in her presence, sending text messages, scrolling through your social feeds when she’s right there next to you, you are are killing your relationship.

If you don’t believe me, some university research came out recently that’s pretty damning. Baylor University just conducted a survey of over 400 people in relationships, and how their phones are screwing said relationships up. Their findings?

For starters, 46% percent of people are reporting that their partners phub them. And that’s causing issues in 22% of relationships. In other words, over a fifth of all relationships are under threat right now because people are too distracted or stubborn to just put their phones down.

Distractions aren’t anything new, and people have been ignoring each other using TVs for decades. Hell, in 1941, Citizen Kane symbolised the breakdown of a marriage by showing the couple ignoring each other by burying their faces in…. newspapers.

It’s much worse with smartphones though, because you can take them everywhere and always come up with a plausible excuse for having it on you. You’re waiting for a text, following sports scores, waiting to see how many likes your latest post on Instagram gets.

It’s easy to fall into. But the message you’re sending when you’re checking your phone isn’t just that you’re not all that interested in your partner; it’s also that they’re completely irrelevant to your own happiness. That’s one of the worst, nastiest messages you can send another person, whether intentional or not – it’s the same reason she probably won’t take it so hot if you’re constantly heading out without her. The point is that you’re getting far more enjoyment out of a six-inch screen made of plastic, glass, and probably some China-based worker’s misery than you are from your significant other.

In case the research above didn’t clue you in, this problem is bad and getting way worse. Back in 2012, somebody did a study and found that college kids in the US spent about seven hours per day on their phones. By 2014, that number was about eight hours for guys and 10 for women. If you’re not careful, that can and will spill into your love life.

There’s another piece of advice in it for you. As we noted above, 46% of people in relationships felt ignored by their partners. So if you limit yourself to an hour or two of time on your phone a day, and actually give the girl you’re with your undivided attention, just like that you’ll have given yourself a leg up in the dating game over huge numbers of guys who are bruising women’s egos everywhere by not peeling their eyes away from their little entertainment devices.

In case you think this is turning into some anti-technology rant, there’s no way I’m against Instagram, Facebook or any of the others. When I take the bus, I’m one of those guys glued to my phone as much as anybody else – because hell, our smartphones and all that they bring into our lives can be entertaining. But there’s a time for it, a place for it, and a way to do it properly.

Uhm! Okay here are some reasons why ladies date older guys.
Alright! Let’s roll.

1. Are More Intellectual

The older man is intellectual. He is smart. He is filled with knowledge and can keep your mind intrigued for hours on end.

2. Act Like Gentlemen

Most young men still haven’t learned how to act like a gentlemen. Yes, they MAY open the door for you, but would they ever dream of opening the CAR door for you as well? Drop their jacket over a puddle so you don’t get your shoes wet? Treat you like the beautiful queen you are? Probably not. Older men have learned the tricks of the trade and don’t just act like gentlemen because they have to, but because they want to!

3. Respect Her

An older man respects women. He isn’t in a constant search for his next lady of the night to brag about to his friends the next morning. He doesn’t mind kissing your hand in public. He doesn’t call you names or treat you like another one of the guys. He respects you to the fullest!

4. Ready for a Relationship

Here’s a big one, and ladies you know EXACTLY what I am talking about here. Young men are almost always not ready for a REAL relationship. They might want to mess around for a month or two, but anything longterm sends them running for the hills. The older man wants a real, solid relationship that can possibly last a lifetime. They’re looking for their soulmate, not their next fling.

5. He Will Pay

I’m not saying that if a woman is with an older man she is automatically a gold digger, but let’s just be honest: if he’s older, he’s probably established and has financial stability, so he’s not going to ask you to split the check.

HAVE YOU EVER DATED A GUY FAR OLDER THAN YOU? TELL US YOUR EXPERIENCE.

Do you want to spend your life reassuring a woman, or would you rather have a woman who looks at the cup half-full and needs little reassurance about the happiness in her life? Negative and sarcastic people may be funny or semi-grounding at first, but they will take their toll on your happiness in the end. Ensure your woman is willing to see the positive side of things on her own. This doesn’t mean that you won’t need to support her in times of trouble, but it does mean that she won’t spend her life focused on the bad and negative, and bring you down with her.

In the end,  the chances of you having a successful, happy relationship are much higher when you understand your woman. The point is that ‘misses right’ is a woman who is going to make you happy for years to come, and if she doesn’t make you happy right now, then she probably won’t make you happy in the future.