Browsing Category

LOVE

LOVE

Getting married even when you are broke

image

Nnamdi has been dating Amaka for about three years now and pressure is mounting on for them to take the relationship to the next level. Nnamdi is approaching his mid-thirties and Amaka is also not getting any younger making time not exactly their friend. Their respective parents are also mounting pressure and do not understand why their children would not just get married soon enough.

Unknown to either parents, Nnamdi and Amaka have a major stumbling block. Apart from being career focused individuals they also believe more importantly that their combined salary is not enough for them to build a home and at the same time pursue their career objectives.

Many of us fall into this trap at some point in our life and if not handled carefully can lead to serious emotional and financial distress. How does one get married without enough money? I will attempt to respond by addressing some of the common excuses we give.

I can’t afford wedding “ceremoney” – The thought of preparing for a wedding ceremony is one that scares many off early marriages. Most people consider it a very special event and believe the only way to live a lasting memory is to splurge on it. Having a memorable wedding is important for everyone however, not everyone can afford an expensive and memorable wedding. With proper planning you can have a cheap and memorable wedding as well.

Wedding ceremony shouldn’t be seen as a do or die affair as all you have to do is spend what you can afford. What you should realise is that at the end of the day it’s about you and your spouse being happily married thereafter and not about the drinks, food and the pageantry that comes with the ceremony. There will be many, many more opportunities to be merry with friends and family.

Where will we live after we get married? –My friend, Victor once told me he got married to his wife when he was still living in a one bedroom flat. After the wedding, they came back home to their one room apartment happier than they could ever imagine. I asked him why and he said the thought of them spending the night together forever was all they wished for and could as well have lived in the car if that’s what it will take. The point here is that you need not live in a three bedroom or four bedroom apartment to get married. You could even have just married and still living in your parent’s apartment provided you are both focused on the goal.

Just have it at the back of your mind that this is only temporary as experience has shown that finances do improve more frequently after marriage. If you both work hard and remain steadfast you will soon move to an apartment befitting of your status.

I haven’t bought a car yet? – A younger friend once told me he could never get married before buying a car. He just did not see him and his wife walking together to the bus stop to take a bus ride to work. I could understand his point of view and only hoped that it was more of a challenge for him than a principle. If I were him, owning a car will probably be tops on my priority also.

However, while owning a car is very important in a marriage there are no rules barring one from buying it after marriage. A car and married to the person you love are both mutually exclusive and because you do not have the funds to buy the car yet, does not mean you won’t have it soon after your wedding. It really boils down to your priorities and how they align to your goals. If your goal is to settle down then owning a car can’t be prioritized over marriage.

We can’t afford to raise a baby – Having babies soon after marriage is a blessing every newlywed seeks. What other way to fortify the union that you both have. However, there is also no rule saying you must have children immediately after marriage. If you and your spouse believe you are not ready financially to take care of children then you can as well abstain from doing so too in marriage. You just have to prioritise like I mentioned early. With careful financial planning and the help of God nothing stops you from having children and being able to care for them as you wish.

I can’t pay the bills – First thing you have to realise is that marriage these days is as much a spiritual union as it is a financial union. I don’t believe the modern marriage works any longer with one breadwinner as you and your spouse both have a role to play financially.

This is no more important than when it comes to sharing bills which ironically becomes even easier in marriage. You no longer need to pay for separate light bills, internet bills, water bills, rent etc. So, this in fact is a plus in marriage than it is outside marriage.

Finally, while money is important to living a happily married life, it need not come before marriage. First, find the right partner, get married and focus on working hard so the money and blessings keeps coming. After all, a man who finds a good wife finds a good thing.

Source: Punch

faith LOVE

Lynxxx writes on the spiritual implications of pre-marital sex

image

Lynxxx wrote…

Now this topic I’ve spent alot of time studying, especially from a Spiritual angle. Premarital sex to be exact and there are so many layers of blatant truth and implications to this act of satisfying the desires of the flesh we all need to be enlightened by.

This is definitely one topic our generation doesn’t want to hear about and no I’m no saint either so don’t think I’m pointing fingers at anyone or judging. Like always, I’m sharing my truth and thoughts. 

I’ll go straight to the key issues so I don’t end up writing a book.

Please be very careful about who you are intimate with and who yuo share your body with. We tend to see only the physical side of sex and ignore the existence of the Spiritual (which is the MOST important).

In this generation, sex is as common as a handshake, no sentiments to it, no love attached to it, its now a commodity for trade (cash and benefits alike) people sell their dignity for cash, cars, houses, bags, shoes and Luxurious Holidays like its nothing and come on the gram stunting.

Living for today but i promise you it would eventually catch up to you in time because we may not see the act but never forget GOD DOES! 

Sex was invented by God for communion between Husband and Wife, to create a greater bonding experience and he knew the power of it hence the commandments restricting us from Premarital sex. 

Everytime we have sex, there’s an exchange of spiritual energy between both people, be careful what you invite into your temple cos there are consequences that may not manifest in the Physical.

Sex plays a major role in so many Life issues and marriage problems today, from Heartbreaks, cheating, abortions, adultery, pregnancies, STDs, Guilt / betrayals and the list goes on! Most important of all It distances us from God.

Now being distant from God, how do we expect the relationship to be blessed by him? The harsh truth is, a relationship with two sexually active individuals is definitely not one that Glorifies God so whatever fruits that relationships bears is up to them. 

A Relationship that has God as the foundation and center would bear fruits and eventually lead to multiplication.

The choice is Ours and so are the consequences.

LOVE

The path to becoming the perfect girlfriend

image

Being a good girlfriend can be tricky, especially at the beginning of a relationship. But whether you and your new boyfriend are still feeling each other out, or if you’re approaching your five-year anniversary, there are still a number of tips to follow if you want to be a good girlfriend and to make your relationship thrive. To be a good girlfriend, you have to be loving and supportive while maintaining your independence. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps!

1
Don’t be too open at first.  Easing into a relationship is about ensuring that there is plenty of space for the two of you to get to know one another and trust that you’re right for one another. If you try too soon to “make” something more out of your relationship than it already is, premature pushiness can scare him away and spoil what is ‘there’ to be a good thing. Instead, be patient and realize that it takes time to nurture a solid and enduring relationship. If you want to make it last, avoid the following things:Don’t push him to call you his girlfriend after a couple of dates; this risks causing him to feel that the decision wasn’t his own. Be patient and let him make up his own mind as to when the word slips out. If you’re compatible, it’ll happen soon enough.Don’t start talking about marriage and children before you’ve even met his friends or parents. Raising such issues prematurely can create tension from the outset and may stall or even bring to an end an otherwise productive and caring relationship.While they say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, this doesn’t mean cooking him a three-course meal on the first date. You don’t need to prove anything like this; you simply need to be present and engaged in listening, being attentive and sharing your interests.

2

Be Honest. While being honest to your guy is very important, to the point of being paramount, it is equally important that you are honest your self. If you overreact or make a mistake, you can acknowledge your error and apologize. If you’re feeling vulnerable or upset, you can sort through your feelings and verbalize them to him in a non accusing way. And the most important thing here is that you will be open about your feelings as much as possible. For example, if he does or says something that bothers you, be open about how it impacts you, without being accusing or asking him to change.If you establish solid lines of communication from the outset, you’ll know sooner rather than later whether this relationship will endure or fizzle out.

3

Speak your mind. Don’t be afraid to make your desires, needs, and opinions known, even when they may conflict with his. You don’t and shouldn’t exist solely to please him. Besides, showing that you are your own person with your own needs, desires, and approach to life will keep him interested in getting to know and understand you as a person. If you’re comfortable with speaking your mind, then he’ll be comfortable with speaking his mind, too.Just remember to express yourself in way that doesn’t attack anyone else’s opinion or lifestyle in any way you can be humble and outspoken at the same time by using assertiveness strategies and remaining considerate of his feelings too.

4

Be yourself.  Don’t create a fake you just to impress him. It might be tempting if you think he’d prefer a different type of girl but usually this is just cobbling together snippets of things said or suggested and you’re likely to be wrong. After all, he wants to date you, not some imagined form of perfection. And if you really feel tempted to change things about yourself because he insists that you’d be better thinner, taller, prettier, quieter, whatever, then it’s a good indication that you’re not compatible.If he actually says such things to you in a badgering, persistent manner, then it is not love, but an attempt to control you.Don’t pretend that you share his interests if you don’t. It might be amusing or “safe” to do so initially but it’s extremely hurtful when he learns that you don’t really love what he loves; he could be basing his thoughts about your role in his future on something that isn’t real and it’ll end up hurting both of you.

LOVE

What most ladies do after a break-up

image

This article is to give a little insight on the crazy and funny things ladies do after break up.

1. DELETE HIS NUMBER: This is always the first move. As soon as the guy breaks their heart, the next thing is to delete his number. But you know what’s annoying about this? It doesn’t change anything because we still have the ex’s phone number stored up in our brains. Ask them in five years, they still remember!

2. THEY BECOME RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS: I know most people can relate to this. We all have that friend who had a bad break up and next thing, she thinks she has a BSc in dating. Relationships become her favourite topic. She suddenly wants to give relationship advice at the slightest chance, even if hers did not work. She knows how not to date a guy.

3. BECOME BORN AGAIN: When a guy whom they loved so much breaks their hearts, next thing is church. They forgot God was their companion before the break up, but as soon as the break up happens, they have the front row in church, their voices would be the loudest during service. But as soon as they find love again, it’s back to square one. Thank God our God is a Merciful One!

4. TEAM SINGLE AND LOVING IT: Ladies always have a sense of empowerment after a bad break-up. You start to see things like, #teamsingleandlovingit, #teamsingleforever etc even though we are dying inside. We suddenly have our little NGOs and become allergic to men. I pity some toasters during this period because they will smell pepper!

5. EATING AND DRINKING: It’s after a break up that we remember that food is our best friend. They would buy the big bowl of ice cream and the biggest bowl of KFC chicken. The truth of the matter is, it doesn’t make us feel any better but we do it anyway!

6. LISTEN TO DEPRESSING SONGS: They dig out Adele’s album or watch ‘A walk to remember’ and lay on their beds all day, crying their eyeballs out after every scene. We all know how depressing Adele’s ‘Someone like you’ is or ” Hello”. Even when you are in the best relationship, that song just has a way of making you feel sad.

7. MOOD SWINGS: After a break up, everything reminds you of the ex. One second they are happy, the next you see the type of car your ex owns, or smell his cologne somewhere and they are sad. Most friends avoid these ones!

8. STALKING: This is a common factor amongst the ladies. After a bad break up, they would stalk their ex on Instagram, Facebook or even dial his number a couple of times with a strange number. Then when he says hello, they hang up or just remain silent. We know some of you are guilty. Women are the best CIA agents!

9. THEY NEVER SIT AT HOME: If you haven’t noticed this, when a girl is single, she never stays home. Even if she wants to, her friends will never let her. She would always want to go out and have
that fun she would never have had with her ex. It is always a plus when they know that their ex would be at the event. If their ex will be there, they would kak up (dress to kill) just to make sure he realises what he is missing. Besides, Mr. Right can be found anywhere.

10. ONTO THE NEXT ONE: Most of the time, they turn to good girl gone bad if they can’t handle themselves. Those toasters she kept on hold while she was dating become her besties and we all know the things that go along with that.
I’m sure once in your lifetime, you have done at least one of these listed above.
 

LOVE

Ways to keep a Man Interested

image

Here are some quick, actionable hints and tricks for keeping a man interested. Note, this may be helpful, but if you are different, maybe other things could help.

1

Keep him intrigued. If he likes what he knows so far, he’ll make sure to come around more often to find out more. Don’t be a completely open book, unless that’s who you are naturally. Give the relationship time to simmer, and space out some of your revelations so that you still have the ability to surprise him. Maintain a little bit of mystery. Don’t tell him every little thing you’re doing, every place you’ve been to, every person you’ve seen. Even if you didn’twant to be a little mysterious, sharing every little detail about your past and your whereabouts is likely to be draining to a man.

Keep some surprises up your sleeve. Being hunters, explorers, and daredevils, men naturally love surprises. If you schedule a surprise — going skydiving, for example, or a cruise — don’t be afraid to just whisk him away and not tell him about it until he’s right in the thick of it.

2

Find out what he likes. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. It’s a natural fact of life. Instead of dwelling on you and your past relationships, ask him questions that show him you are interested in him. If you get him going about his past and his experiences — and can stand sitting through the occasional boring story — he’ll feel like he’s connected with you and has a bigger bond to build on.If he likes a certain color, it wouldn’t hurt to wear that color every once in a while. If he likes a certain food, it wouldn’t hurt to surprise him with lunch or dinner.

Most of our communities are increasingly pluralistic with people from numerous different cultural and ethnic backgrounds. If he is of a different culture from you try as much as you can to read and know a thing or two about his heritage. He will love that.In other words, pamper him a little bit. Women loved to be pampered, but so do men. They’re just afraid to ask for it for fear of not seeming “manly”. Remember, don’t coddle or mother him, but do record his favorite TV shows, get him tickets to a game (he can invite his buddies if you don’t want to go), or get him that razor he’s been talking about. It shouldn’t go unnoticed.

3

Find the balance between independence and making sure he’s loved. Guys are naturally independent, meaning they need a little more space than most women do. Make sure he feels like he has a life outside of you. As much as he likes you, nothing pains him more than to look at his life and realize that he’s lost touch with his friends and no longer gets the respect for wearing the pants, so to speak. Give him space some of the time.And if you’re worried about trust, don’t be. Trust him. If he gives you a reasonnot to trust him, then you can start questioning his motives. The truth is that if you trust him and he likes you, he won’t want to give you a reason to revoke that trust. If you don’t trust him when you should, he’ll want to punish you for not trusting him.

4

Make him feel like a man. There’s nothing wrong with boosting a man’s ego. It makes him feel good about himself and if he feels good about himself because of a certain someone, he’ll want to keep her around. More than likely, he’ll also return the favor.Reinforce the way he wants to be viewed. Does he consider himself anathlete? Tell him how muscular, coordinated, or skilled he is. Does he consider himself an intellectual? Tell him how smart and profound he is. Does he consider himself a comedian? Laugh at his jokes and set him up to be funny.Let him be chivalrous. Pay attention to all the “gentlemanly” things he does for you and acknowledge them. When he opens the door, pays for your meal, or lets you in first, make him feel special! Know that he’ll most likely act different around his guy friends. Never tolerate outright disrespect, but if he acts a little strange, it’s because he’s trying to impress his boys. If it doesn’t offend you, let him.

5

Keep public displays of affection to a minimum. Men don’t necessarily like to be forced into holding your hand in public. If he does anyway, that’s a bonus, and he’s probably a very decent guy. If not, don’t try to make him. Don’t be upset or angry if he feels awkward about doing it; males are closed-off creatures and don’t like to show their ‘soft sides’ to the public.If you need a man who is comfortable showing his love to you in public, tell him gently. Let him know it’s a priority to you, but that you understand it might not be a top priority for him. If he really likes or loves you, he’ll be open to compromise.

6

Be confident and look great. He prefers you to other girls, so show you’re proud of yourself! And when it comes to looking great, know your guy. Some guys are attracted to natural beauty; others like a spray tan and eyelashes. Either way, dress to show that you’re comfortable and confident with your body but make sure you don’t go over the top.Don’t compare yourself to other women. Not even in a way that seems acceptable. To a guy, this comparison screams “insecurity,” and the guy is suddenly worried that he might have to be your psychologist instead of your boyfriend.